Sitting on the dock of the bay…(I couldn’t resist doing that).

Trips to places that are quite a distance away by car, can sometimes take between 25%-50% longer by motorcycle. Taking a ride from the New Jersey shore to the most beautiful place on earth( as my friend swears), the 1000 Islands in NY, took close to 10 hours.

After a ride like that, we tend to be tired and hungry. Most often we leave the bikes and walk or taxi to a restaurant that serves alcohol and hopefully good food.  On this trip we found the Dock of the Bay.

You can’t help but find this place. Smoke pours out of the outdoor slow cooker, and draws your attention as you walk past. Southern BBQ (as advertised on their signage), goes hand in hand with motorcycling and beer, so its our duty to eat in such a place.

I really love slow cooked anything. Pork, brisket, chicken, ribs and steak are all favorites and some times hard to decide between. So tonight I asked if I could have a sampler plate of my own as opposed to the one offered on the menu. I wanted BBQ Chicken, Pulled Pork AND Ribs. Along with that I asked for cornbread, cole slaw and baked beans, and when the plate arrived I was not disappointed.

One half chicken, one half rack of ribs and what looked like 12 ozs of pulled pork, a big honkin piece of corn bread , cole slaw and a side of homemade baked beans later I was ready for bed. Food coma from an overdose of BBQ. Good thing we walked into town because I needed the exercise just to move all that food down.  But seriously, the food was delicious and far exceeded my expectations.

By chance, the next evening we met up with the owner of the Dock outside of another restaurant. Barb, as she called herself, recognized us from her place and came over to say hello. Not a shy girl is Barb. She had us laughing and joking around and left us with quite an impression. I promised I would review her place, so if you find yourself in the “most beautiful place in the world”, stop by the Dock, ask for Barb, and tell her the Regular Guy she met outside Cavallario’s, sent you.

The Regular Guy rating * * * 1/2

Dock of the Bay

2 James Street

315-482-7630



What do you guys think?

Emotional cheating, ego boosting or something else?

An old girlfriend/ex-wife/gal-pal is constantly emailing or texting you just to stay in touch. She’s told you in the past that she is unhappy with her current relationship, so you are flattered that she wants to lean on the “connection” the two of you once had. You even enjoy hearing from her. (You get the feeling she might take it further if you would.)

But you wouldn’t!! You are totally committed to and happy with your current relationship. Even so, the attention is nice and at times you still think about *her* and wonder, “What if…?” 

Do you:

1)      Write back to her and continue to engage in *harmless* chatting?

2)      Ignore her attempts to stay in touch?

3)      Delete or block her email/phone number?

4)      Ask her to stop contacting you?

5)      Invite her to go out with you and your spouse/partner?

 I expect to hear lots of “It depends…” on this one. I’m curious what those qualifiers would be.

I had dinner with my friend Sara recently and as we reminisced about years of working together, the conversation turned to relationships. She and her husband had recently celebrated their 25^th wedding anniversary. It was her husband’s second marriage, but Sara’s first. I asked her the secret of their success.

She had a twinkle her in eye as she told me about Tom.

“He made me feel comfortable right from the start,” she said. “I knew I could be myself and he would accept me for who I am – both the good and the not-so-good. It seems to work for us. He’s easy-going and I’m a little intense, but he just lets that roll.”

I’ve watched them together. They kid each other often. They laugh and show respect for each other. Sara is somewhat of a caretaker and Tom likes this. Yet he knows how to make her feel loved and cared for, too.

And he’s a big flirt! Though I don’t see them often, a few other mutual friends and I have observed that Tom is generally focused on women and freely expresses his appreciation of their beauty, bodies, sex appeal, etc. Sometimes we think it’s icky. But Sara has never once complained or expressed discomfort with it.

So why do some people become jealous of every tiny bit of attention a partner pays to someone else, while others don’t mind this a bit?

I think it depends on the strength of the intimate relationship — a strong loving relationship, shared mutually, leaves no room for jealousy. If each partner is truly being kind to the other (as the Regular Guy purports) and if they often are doing little things to enrich the relationship, then a little flirting shouldn’t rock their world. It might even enhance it! It’s nice to see that other people appreciate your date/mate.

Self-confidence helps, too. Insecurity breeds disinterest. And trouble can follow.

What happens outside the relationship can only become significant if nothing is happening inside the relationship. (A topic for another post.) It takes a committed pair to turn a budding romance into a 25-year marriage. Cheers to all those who take it seriously and succeed, and especially to Sara and Tom!

( Reviewed by my “She Says ” editor – learads)

After overindulging on the traditional treats of Thanksgiving Day, by Saturday my boyfriend Donn and I were ready for some fresh air and lighter fare. We ventured out to browse the neighborhood of Manayunk, a few blocks of quaint upscale restaurants and shops, just north of center city Philadelphia.

We had dined at Jake’s several times in the past, but never had we experienced the more casual extension next door called Cooper’s Wine Bar. What a great discovery!

Our friendly bartender, Jamie, was a superb server. It was obvious from the start that Jake’s & Cooper’s train their staff well. Jamie suggested several “incredible” or “fabulous” menu options, from drink specials to desserts, and we learned quickly that she was one to be trusted!

Donn started with a glass of J Vineyards Pinot Gris- just the right touch of acidity and light fruity aroma. We made a note to buy a few bottles to keep on hand at home.

I chose one of two featured cocktails – the pumpkin-ginger martini was smooth and flavorful and I only wish I had jotted the ingredients.

Our appetites were slight so we opted for two small-plate choices. Donn selected a 3-cheese fire-grilled pizza, oozing with exquisite olive oil and topped with slightly crispy sage. The thin, crunchy crust was perfectly punctuated by pungent Fontina cheese.

I shared only a taste of my cold roasted beets topped with honey-caramelized almonds and crumbled Gorgonzola. I love the flavor of beets, and the glorious color reminded me of my childhood when my mom stood peeling the steamy, homegrown veggie with pink-stained fingers as she prepared beets from our garden for a family meal.

Much of the ingredients at Jake’s & Cooper’s is locally grown we were told.

Jamie the bartender checked on us frequently. In fact, as we leisurely nibbled and sipped our drinks, we got to know her a bit and learned that she was recently engaged and that she has a twin sister.

When it was time for round 2, Jamie offered Donn a wine-tasting of 3 additional whites. After expanding his knowledge of Cooper’s wine list, he opted to stick with the original J Vineyards Pinot. Feeling a bit adventurous, I decided to try the other featured cocktail – a muddled beverage featuring cranberries, oranges and bourbon. Simply lip-smacking!

Now realizing that we had spent a relaxing 2 hours at Cooper’s in the middle of a Saturday afternoon, we couldn’t depart without trying a dessert; especially since Jamie had revealed they were homemade. We perused the dessert menu and selected the chocolate caramel tart to share. The chocolate-crusted torte was topped with smooth creamy caramel sauce covering a surprise spattering of sea salt. Mmmmm…like a chocolate covered pretzel, this sweet and savory treat was the perfect ending to a delightful afternoon dining discovery.

Regular Guy Rating   * * * *

Jake’s & Cooper’s Wine Bar

4367 Main St., Manayunk, Philadelphia, PA

(215) 483-2750

In most small towns you can always find one restaurant that surprises you with great food in unexpected surroundings. The “New” Nugget Restaurant and Pub in Monticello is such a place.

Last Tuesday evening, after some six hours on a motorcycle, myself and three friends happened by the Nugget. From the outside, it seemed that we had chosen a bar and expected to find burgers and sandwiches and after riding for so long, it would have been just fine.

The Nugget, as we were to find out, is a very popular spot in town and after seeing the menu we could understand why. Although burgers are listed, it was the varied array of Seafood and Steak items that caught my attention.  While reading the  menu I couldn’t help to think that the chef had to be from a larger city like Manhattan. On one of his dishes he uses the term  “Beurre Meuniere” (a French term and method of preparation for sauteed in a lemon and butter with fresh parsley), which is something you don’t expect to read on a pub menu.

The Nugget as it turned out, also has a very good variety of Vodka’s, and one Three Olives brand White Grape, which happens to be a favorite of mine. Drinks were also priced for happy hour this evening until 7pm so we took full advantage of that special, being that we took a cab from our hotel and left the bikes.

Andrew (the Chef), actually moved to Monticello from our hometown area of southern New Jersey, which explained his menu choices. He cordially introduced himself to us and told us what his best dishes were.  In all, we ordered Sweet Chili style Buffalo Wings to start, and Twice cooked Prime Rib, Shrimp and Clams Fra Diavolo, and Seafood Fra Diavolo as main dishes. Everything looked great and tasted even better and the Fra Diavolo sauce was one of the best I have had in a long time.

Jackie, our  server was extremely friendly and attentive and the bartender also bought us a round of Grape Vodka shots. The menu prices were very reasonable (when compared to pricing for similar dishes in my home town area) and the portions were plentiful. No one at our table left with any room to spare for dessert or coffee.

Regular Guy rating  * * * 1/2    -   * * * * ( because of the added attention by    our Chef, Waitress and Bartender)

The New Nugget Restaurant and Pub

371 E Broadway , Monticello NY 12701

845 794 4161

(The following post is from my new contributing columnist. Her posts will be under the title “She Says” and will be one woman’s opinion, thoughts and perspective on men and life as she see’s it).

Does anyone really listen anymore? Have you ever been so excited about something you experienced during the day that you burst into an exuberant explanation with the first person who would spare you five minutes, only to discover that when you pause to take a breath, the person immediately interjects their own personal story?… Like they didn’t hear a word you said, they were simply waiting for you to stop talking.

I like to think of myself as a trained listener; salespeople learn the skill as part of their toolbox. To connect with customers and earn their trust, we have to listen attentively for clues about what drives them…about their passions and interests. So when a “customer” pauses, I ask questions or repeat something they said to show that I was paying attention. It’s the polite thing to do.

Why is it so hard for people to reciprocate? Sometimes I’ve even wondered if it’s me. Maybe my conversation is boring or I’m just not funny enough. Yet, even when the so-called listener skips the art of listening and immediately becomes the talker, I find myself trying to show an interest again. Occasionally I get hung up on the fact that my whole conversation just went by the wayside. My mind starts drifting and I’ve suddenly committed the same offense- I’m no longer paying attention.

I think I’ve got the edge though. The talker doesn’t even know it because he’s still listening…to himself.

It’s probably a good idea for you to first read the article linked to this post before reading my thoughts on it below.

www.mediapost.com/publications/?fa=Articles.showArticle&art_aid=137298

As much as I hate to think that this person is correct in his opinion, I believe he could have hit the bulls-eye!

Marriage really doesn’t work, at least not like it used to. We have become a society of me rather than we people. Marriage after all, is just too hard for most people to become adept at, mainly because there is very little incentive for them to do so. People used to marry for love but if you ask couples today why they are marrying, most place love at the back of the list, and some never even mention it. It’s usually “we’ve been together for years and it was time”. How can anyone expect a marriage to last if that’s a reason to get married. Time together should never be a reason to marry.

Marriage works if both people want it to. Period, end of story! If you aren’t fully commited to making your marriage the single most important thing in your life, it’s probably doomed. I always beleived that if a person put their spouse’s feelings before their own, it would increase a marriages chance of survival. Too often I am around friends that talk bad about their spouse openly. I also witness couples that curse at each other. I have never in my life,heard my parents curse at each other. You need to respect your spouse and treat her that way. Never talk bad to people about her or curse at her like you curse at friends or others, especially when in a disagreement.

I am one of the unlucky ones who married then divorced. I am also one of the luckier ones who found the right girl the second time around. When I married the second time, my mom told us both, just one thing. “Be kind to each other”. That’s all..just be kind. Sounds corny huh? I sure as hell thought so. But after thinking it over  I conscientiously tried it. It makes sense too. It can only make your wife love and appreciate you more if you treat her kindly. Kind words, hold hands, little notes in everyday places, open doors for her (ALL THE TIME) and treat her like a woman used to be treated when our dads were young.

Yes, maybe the institution of marriage as we know it is doomed. And maybe its because we have forgotten what is truly important in our lives because we have all gotten caught up in computers, long hours at work, reality television  and what makes me happy. We allow our lives to become so complicated that we often don’t think about how to make our marriage better but just let days turn into years without thought of how it is actually falling apart. We allow our childrens’ interests to rule our marriage and forget that at one time, when they weren’t around, we were both what was important. Now, many husbands that started at number one in their wife’s eyes may very well be three or four, depending on how much she loves her parents and pets…

The formula for a good marriage isn’t that complicated. It just takes two people to be committed to making each others happiness the most important thing in their lives…Pretty simple huh?

Some one tell me why in Gods name would ANYONE, man or woman buy a candle for a man? Does a person stand in the middle of a chachki store with scented candle in hand with a smile on their face and say” Wow, Joe is going to love this!”

Men don’t do well with gifts. I can understand now what my dad went through all those years for birthdays and Christmas. How hard it must have been for him to smile when inside he was probably thinking” What the hell am I going to do with this singing fish?”

Men don’t do well with gifts especially when women buy them. Not always but most often true, women don’t get us in life, so picking gifts for us is just nuts. Most of us have everything we want, unless its too expensive to buy, which means we aren’t going to get that as a gift from someone else!

So what do you buy for the Regular guy? Probably nothing. Unless you pay attention to what he does in life and especially in his spare time, then nothing works better that a gift card.

In closing, perhaps an example of such a tragic gift story would be fitting. This is what happens when, not one, but two women engage in what they believe is the perfect gift for yours truly.

At some time in my past I mentioned that I always wanted a small pair of binoculars. One that I could easily carry, you know, like to the beach to check out bikini clad women ( What? Were you thinking I was going to say for a sporting event!). So armed with this information, my wife sets out to buy me the gift I always wanted!  UNFORTUNATELY, she shopped at a store that a woman she knows owns and this woman proceeded to talk her out of the small pair of binoculars. She instead, thought that a singular monocular would be much better for me. So, that Christmas, I got half the gift I always wanted!!

To be honest, in the end I did get my binoculars about two years and three gift occasions later but I figure you get the point. This past year I started a list with details like brand names, model numbers, colors, and even a contact person from which to buy these gifts. Not bad huh? Get to it guys……Merry Christmas!

Just one man’s opinion…

The Regular Guy

Hey, that's just not a safe riding style....

For those of you who never saw the movie “Wild Hogs”, you should if you want a good start to understanding why men ride motorcycles.

I can remember being a child and what my first impressions of motorcycling were. The thing I most remember is my moms cousins and their “motorcycle garage” behind their house. Back in the sixties cut up choppers were the thing to have and at any given time you would see a large variety of them at their garage.

As a child, you can not help to feel awe at the sight of tattooed men with all that iron and noise around them.  Even at this age I still find myself in awe, at times, when I am surrounded by motorcycles. It’s like being in the wild west without the guns.

But even though I have always had a love of motorcycles, it wasn’t until I reached forty or so that I truly appreciated what it does to enhance my life.

Having a motorcycle in itself doesn’t necessarily bring excitement and adventure. It is with whom and what you do with it, that makes motorcycling a great thing. Nothing else exemplifies this more than owning and riding a Harley Davidson. It is like belonging to a club with out walls and rules. It’s a fraternity with out the hazing.

The absolute best reason for riding is the people you meet and become friends with. Someone tagged it “male bonding” but I think that’s a load of commercial crap. Yeah we all get along, but I always think of bonding like a bunch of men sitting around singing Kum Ba Yah. That just isn’t happening. What happens is that the motorcycle becomes the common denominator that brings together men of all backgrounds. Doctors, lawyers, chefs, Realtors, electricians and so on, just wanting to do one thing. Experience life through simple transportation and being able to share that with someone else who can understand it.

A lot of people always ask me why we get together to take a trip and ride for hundreds of miles a day.  They think its boring because you have no one to talk to, like you would in a car. They can’t understand what reason we would have to go to Ohio, for instance. What could possibly be a reason to ride there. This is the one thing people don’t really understand about motorcycling unless they ride one. The trips aren’t about the ride itself but the friendships that come from them. The best part of the ride is always at night when you pull into a new town, and go out for a steak, some drinks, and laugh your ass off about the events that took place that day. There aren’t any phone calls from work, no bills to pay today, no kids to drive to soccer, nothing but you and that bike and your friends.

I just spent the better part of four days on a ride that rolled up 1200 miles. On that trip I got to spend time with my uncle, that I probably would never have done with out our motorcycles. We were all drenched in rain that was so heavy, we had to dry our boots on the heaters in the hotel rooms. I smelled the aroma of at least 12 different things that I would have missed if I were in a car. I got to act like a college kid again, when we all did shots of Vodka in a small cafe in State College Pa. I experienced roller coaster excitement on rte 322, where roads were cut out of the sides of mountains that were so steep that trucks had to ride their brakes just not to crash.

There’s a saying bikers have, “Ride to Live, Live to Ride.” which just about sums it all up. At no point in my life have I ever felt as alive or as free as I do when I ride.

So here’s to my friends “The Mild Hogs” and to another safe and successful trip…

The Regular Guy

“Age is only a number”! I used to hear that all the time when I was a kid and visited my relatives. The “older” ones, would always say things like that when they talked about getting old.

Something that has always fascinated me about age is when I look at my parents, no matter how old they were, they always seemed “old” to me. I can remember when my dad turned fifty and we gave him a party. I thought he was so old then. Now I think I must have been nuts to think that because I am that age now and I still feel like I am in my twenties. Probably how he felt then too.

A big part of aging is definitely a mental thing. Unless you are ill or in very bad shape, getting older happens so slowly that its hard to believe that you are old. I know this because when I look in the mirror, I see a very different version of the man I see in my head. If it wasn’t for reflections, I probably wouldn’t believe that I was indeed as old as I am. Getting older always seemed at least ten years away from where I am at.

I do however know what reality is. As a man, I know when I got old. Although I believed I knew when it happened, I wasn’t sure if it was just me who felt this way. That was until this past Saturday night, when a friend of mine mentioned to me the same thing I had believed was the measuring stick for when a man gets old.

He said that he knew he was old now because young girls don’t notice him anymore. When he said that I couldn’t believe it. He just said what I had thought was the reason I was old. I first noticed it when being in a bar. Girls would say “excuse me sir” when they needed to get past me. And worse yet, they didn’t even look at me when they said it. It used to be they would at least make eye contact with you. My friend said he realized it was happening about two years ago. We compared notes and both figured that for a guy, it was a true gauge to when we get old.

I sit in the chair and get my hair cut. The girl is maybe 36 yrs old and shes talking about meeting a guy. Her parameters are that he has hair, teeth and no more than forty because that would be too old. Wow, forty huh?? I laugh about it and say something and naturally she says that I don’t look my age but the point was already made. Forty seems to be the cut off to being young.

So my regular guy friends, get ready. Age will creep up on you and blindside you when you least expect it. One day shes cutting your hair and the next day she’s trimming your ear hair. Life’s funny like that. It takes hair from where you want it and puts it where you don’t.

So in reality, fifty ain’t so nifty but it’s better than the alternative. Anyway, by my calculations, I still have at least ten years until I…. get old.

The Regular Guy…